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Archive for the "Daily CP" Category
Pee in the cup
Date Added: January 5th, 2009
I was pregnant and was at my monthly doctor visit. You know the one where you have to step on the scale, pee in the cup and have your blood pressure checked. Not that bad right? Well when you are 8 months pregnant it really is hard to pee in that little cup! I mastered that difficult task only to have trouble with the door!! My purse got caught on the door handle and jerked my hand. Yes, the hand holding my cup of pee!! Needless to say, I got pee all over my hand. And of course the perky nurse was Johnny on the spot and right there ready to take my sample from me. I was so embarrassed!!
Can’t get enough…Underwear?
Date Added: July 31st, 2008
You know how every girl absolutely LOVES shopping? Especially with her girlfriends right? Oh, believe me I did. Up until when this happened…ugh…
A week before my freshman year starts. Crossroads mall. Shopping with friends for clothes. About 4 hours in. (Oh yea [= AND we were still kickin it! lol) At that point we had pretty much wiped out the entire mall…haha…but we had one store left that had a HUGE sale going on, we were in desperate need of underwear, and me and my friends all wanted some…Victoria’s Secret.
This is the point where I must tell you how…childish??…my friends were. They couldn’t say the word v-string without turning into a tomato. I was THE ONLY ONE that could say ‘ DANG! This thong’s a MIGHTY bit snug. ‘ without falling over in embarrassment.
SOO, after a little bit of giggle fits, we braved past the ladies at the door, and with me leading the way, headed to the sale bins. I was the first to jump in. Heck, I love their thongs! [= lol It took them a while, but they FINALLY stuck their hands into the pile of granny-panties. ( And yes I SWEAR i tried to convince them to try some thongs…believe me i felt like a failure as a friend.) lol
About 20 minutes later we were set to get in line. Panties in hand. ( Mind you, we each had about 10 each…) We even had the coolest gay guy as our clerk. Sweet Right??
Now here’s the kicker……Remember how my friends are like SHY to the max? Well, Morgan walks up and says, ‘ Lexiiiiii…..If we give you the money do you think you could…ummm….’
OH YEA you guessed it right! THEY wanted ME to go up and BUY THEIR UNDERWEAR FOR THEM………….dear god……….
Now I’m a helpful and kind friend, which pretty much means i am easy to take advantage of…so of course, i gave in.
SOOO there i was….
standing in line with about $120 worth of clearance underwear in my hands……..
YEEPPPP.
THAT was juuuussttt GRAND.
OK so i FINALLY got up to the register….past all the people in the other lines looking at me thinking ‘ And WHERE is that Girls MOTHER…uh!…that is just SO wrong!’
I drop the truck load of panties on the counter………MEANWHILE my friends AREN’T EVEN IN THE STORE!
Gay guy looks at me with that knowing look only a gay guy can give………………
“Honey……” “Abstinence is the best way for a girl your age.”
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DID I HONESTLY JUST HERE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
oooOOOOhhhHHHHH boOOYYYYY!
Well that’s when i went into panic mode and started telling him that i was buying these for my friends too and not just me. NOPE. I’m innocent. I SWEAR!!!
…….he just laughed his head off…..
I was humiliated that day.
I was accused of sleeping around by a gay guy…lol
Oh…and i have a receipt for 45 pairs of underwear.
It’s in a scrapbook. If that isn’t a chicken pucker moment, i don’t know what is.
Lex from Lawrence, Mi
8 Year Old Hair Cut
Date Added: July 15th, 2008
Once when I was in kindergarden and my brother was in 2nd grade, me and him went down in our basement. Well…I had a friend named Cidney and she had really really short hair. Everybody said that we were twins. I wanted to look more like her so I ran back upstairs and grabbed a pair of scissors and ran back downstairs. Then, once I was back downstairs I started cutting my hair. Well, once I was done I went upstairs and showed my parents. My parents were not happy.(That means they yelled at me and spanked me.) When I woke up the next morning I asked my mom for ponytails. My mom said” No huny we can’t because you cut your hair”. Well, I started crying because I couldn’t do it. Well, that is the story of me cutting my hair. Kristin from Paw Paw, Mi.
LOL! Stories from kids always give you a great perspective. We left it as typed with the spelling errors because we knew you’d enjoy it more this way. Have a great day!
Toss me the anchor, Honey!
Date Added: June 23rd, 2008
My wife and I had spent a wonderful day boating and fishing. As much as I wanted to get in off the lake before the rush, I just couldn’t. The fish were biting and my wife looked too good in her bikini, and did I mention that the fish were biting? Well anyway, after a while we finally found ourselves in line at the access. The line wasn’t too long so everything was going fairly smooth. Have I mentioned that I was a new boater, with my new boat and trailer? I also have to admit that I really hadn’t gotten the hang of the whole truck and the boat together. So what I thought would only take a minute or two began to take a lot longer as things just weren’t lining up right. Soooo… I had my wife get out to line up the boat so I could work the trailer. That’s about when I looked up and noticed about four boats waiting for me to clear out. Soooo, as you can imagine, the pressures on. I started to get a little anxious (this maybe an understatement), so I shut the door on the truck to go help my wife with lining up the boat. After a few more tries was get it lined up and ready to go on the trailer. I give the quick wave to the line of now very impatient boats waiting for us to clear, and head for the truck.
At least the worst was over. Or so I thought. As I pulled on the handle I realized I’d somehow locked the truck. So let’s paint you a picture. I’m standing next to a truck that’s half in and half out of the water (running) with a trailered boat on the back, and there’s at least eight boats lined up waiting for us to get clear. Let’s not forget to mention it’s taken us almost 1/2 an hour to just get this far! Great! (Somehow I was hoping it was my wife’s fault, but no such luck). So with quick thinking and no patience, I grab our boat anchor and break the small window out on the back glass of the truck. Clearly since it’s so small it would have been the cheapest window to break. Well not so much. You guessed it… when I went to get my window repaired, the window guy told me that I had chosen to break the most expensive window on my truck!! What a chicken pucker moment!! LOL Well, at least my wife still looks good in that bathing suit!!- Lance, Galesburg, MI.
Hello, Mabel?
Date Added: June 20th, 2008
I was recuperating in bed from a knee injury on a warm early summer night, when the phone rang. The caller hollered, “Mabel?” I replied, “I am sorry, I believe you have the wrong number.” She continues, “This isn’t Mabel?” Again, I say, “I am sorry this isn’t Mabel.” Then she says to me, “Well, that’s OK. Maybe you can help me.” Stunned and holding back my laughter I say,”OK, what’s up?” “How come my furnace didn’t come on today?” , she asks me. Unable to hold back any longer a couple of quiet chuckles slip out as I reply, “Well, I think it may be too hot for it to come on, as it was about 80 degrees outside today.” “Oh, you may be right,” she says, and I stutter out a quick “Thanks”. ”See, you could help me!” the unknown caller says. “Anytime,” I reply.
I thought this dialogue was way to out there and funny to keep to myself! Chicken Pucker isn’t always just about the funny~ it is about service to others!! LOL!
Don’t scooch too far!
Date Added: May 28th, 2008
The other day at work I was really ‘in the moment’. As a dental hygienist, I’m always striving to better myself. One of my new things has been watching Eckhart Tolle and his series with Oprah~ on living in the ‘NOW’. Well, that should definitely come with a warning sign…Always be aware of your body and it’s functions!! There I was, totally in the moment cleaning a patients teeth, when I scooched a little too far forward on my stool. Number one, I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that I almost fell on him. Number two was way worse. Almost falling on my patient scared me out of my “NOW” moment and a little toot that I was holding back came squeaking out!! Of course I had to ignore it and pretend that it never happened. What a total chicken pucker moment!!
Portage, Mi.
Honey, you have a hole in your pants!!
Date Added: May 28th, 2008
I volunteered to help my son’s baseball team by coaching first base. I have to admit I was a little nervous but thought things were going pretty well until….. My husband decided to yell in front of everyone, “Honey, you have a hole in your pants!” I still had two more innings to go! Thank goodness for an over-sized sweatshirt. A couple of the parents had a quick laugh, but thankfully none of the baseball team heard it. I can only image what a team of 11 to 12 year old boys would have said, not to mention that my son would have been mortified.
Paw Paw, Michigan
My kid will never be like that!
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
Before I had a child, I did that thing that everyone does before they
have a child — I saw a child behaving a certain way in public and
said something to myself about how MY kid would never be like that.
Well, of course, then I had kids … My 2 year old is kind of in an
emotional phase right now: too little to do most things, and thinks
she’s too big to not do them herself. Her new favorite trick to play
on me is to lay down where ever she is to try and get her way. One
day, we were coming out of a Target, and she wanted some food item
that we had bought. I told her “No, it is going in the trunk and you
can have it when we got home.” With this, she laid down right in the
parking lot … and right in a puddle. At this point, I didn’t really
want to pick her up because she was sopping wet and I was trying to
get our items into my trunk. So there she was, in a puddle, with
people walking by and staring at her. Several people even stopped to
ask if we were okay, or if I needed some help. But I was determined
to win this battle of the wills, so I refused to pick her up.
Wouldn’t you know, my stubborn child lay in the puddle in that Target
parking lot for OVER 30 MINUTES while several well-meaning people
offered me help (much to my embarrassment). When she finally gave up,
she stood up, helped me get her clothes off, went right into her car
seat and we went home — like nothing had even happened!
-Nicole from Cali
Please not in the toilet
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
I was washing my face one morning, and had taken off my wedding band
and placed it on the bathroom counter. My 18mo daughter was playing
in the bathroom while I was getting ready. I closed my eyes to splash
some water on my face, and when I opened them, both my daughter and
my ring were gone. I called after her, and she came running back into
the bathroom. I picked her up, and gently but firmly said “Honey, do
you know where mommy’s ring went?” She still wasn’t talking much at
this point in her life, but she looked like she knew what I was
talking about. I put her down and she went off into various rooms,
looking around with me. At one point, I went into the living room and
was digging through her toy barrels. And then it came to me — the
toilet seat was up. I ran back to the bathroom to see if she had put
it in there, and as I was coming down the hallway, she came out of
the office yelling “MAMA! MAMA!” with that ring so high in the air
and a smile from ear to ear. I picked her up, gave her a big hug and
kiss, and we both just laughed and laughed. - Nicole from Cali
Did anybody see that…?
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
I am the typical multi-tasking, working mom, that tries to get as much done on my lunch hour as possible. So the middle of winter finds me freezing my butt off at the gas station. As I waited for the gas to pump, I cleaned out all the door pockets (garbage collection receptacles for those with kids) of my Durang-ho (as my daughter would call it!). Wearing my very warm, but clunky boots, I attempted to work my way to the trash can with my hands full of half eaten peanut butter sandwiches, gum wrappers, tissues and junk. I was being a little lazy in the fact that I tried to step over the gas hose ( is that what you call it?). My boot caught the tubing and I started to fall. Well, human nature kicks in and I tried to catch myself. So you have to picture me, my hands full of garbage, toppling over this hose. I know, you’re expecting me to drop the garbage to catch myself right? I wish. It was only garbage, for goodness sake. I should have dropped it and saved myself!! But oh no- I totally wiped out. My wrists were all scraped up, my chin was bleeding and my clothes were totally grimed with nasty gas station yuck. Of course, I quickly popped back up to check to see if anyone had witnessed my descent. Then casually tried dusting the dripping slime off my clothes….EWWWW!! Next time you are at the gas station, check out all the nasty stuff that collects near the pump! Top that with sludge, oil and gas…it definitely makes for a nasty mess that you don’t want to fall into… total chickenpucker moment!