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Archive for the "Puckered Chicken" Category
So that’s why boys stand up…
Date Added: July 3rd, 2008
I will have to write this anonymously, as it pertains to my son, and I wouldn’t want to embarrass him anymore than I already do. So it’s a typical night, and I had just sent the kids up to get ready for bed. I had specifically told my son his feet were filthy and to use a wash cloth. Of course he says, “Oh, I will shower in the morning.” “No way, no how”, I said, “just use a wash cloth and get most of the dirt off for tonight and you can still shower in the morning.” Well, as my husband and I were locking doors and putting stuff away, you know the usual night time routine, we hear our daughter yelling at him. Mind you he’s 11 and she’s 8, so we know nothing good will come of it. My husband quickly went up stairs to sooth things over, and then I heard him yelling at our son! What the? Quickly goes through my mind as I make my way upstairs to see what all the fuss is about. Well what to my wondering eyes appear, but my son wiping up pee in a puddle on the floor and around the base of the toilet. My husband sees me standing there with my mouth open and a slightly shocked look on my face. I’m pretty sure a sign was blinking on my forehead that said “what the…. happened!” My wonderful husband who was now chuckling, had to explain it to me. It would appear that my son for once was trying to multi- task, and was sitting down on the toilet to pee while cleaning his feet with a wash cloth. Unfortunately he didn’t think about ”tucking it down”, and the resulting geyser went everywhere!!
I had to laugh…all these years I have been saying how easy it is for men to pee anywhere. I guess us women have a little advantage, we can do our nails and many other functions while ‘just sitting’ there!! - mom, MI.
My kid will never be like that!
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
Before I had a child, I did that thing that everyone does before they
have a child — I saw a child behaving a certain way in public and
said something to myself about how MY kid would never be like that.
Well, of course, then I had kids … My 2 year old is kind of in an
emotional phase right now: too little to do most things, and thinks
she’s too big to not do them herself. Her new favorite trick to play
on me is to lay down where ever she is to try and get her way. One
day, we were coming out of a Target, and she wanted some food item
that we had bought. I told her “No, it is going in the trunk and you
can have it when we got home.” With this, she laid down right in the
parking lot … and right in a puddle. At this point, I didn’t really
want to pick her up because she was sopping wet and I was trying to
get our items into my trunk. So there she was, in a puddle, with
people walking by and staring at her. Several people even stopped to
ask if we were okay, or if I needed some help. But I was determined
to win this battle of the wills, so I refused to pick her up.
Wouldn’t you know, my stubborn child lay in the puddle in that Target
parking lot for OVER 30 MINUTES while several well-meaning people
offered me help (much to my embarrassment). When she finally gave up,
she stood up, helped me get her clothes off, went right into her car
seat and we went home — like nothing had even happened!
-Nicole from Cali
Hi, Mrs. Smith.
Date Added: February 25th, 2008
It was spring and that means Track Season. I loved watching my teenage son participate. I left work and needed to hurry. It was cool out so I donned my trench coat with it’s extreme front pockets astride the buttons. I warmed my hands in the pockets as I cut across the end of the football field. At the end of the long jump pit I tripped and fell flat on my face. At that same exact moment a friend of my son’s was practicing the long jump and landed in the pit next to me. We looked each other eye to eye as he nonchalantly said, ” Hi, Mrs. Smith.” All I could say was, “Nice jump”. I tried to get up but the weight of my body was on my hands, which were still in the pockets of the coat. I rolled back and forth like a beached whale in order to release my hands from the coat and to release myself from this Chicken Pucker moment!-Patsy, Pennsylvania
What the?
Date Added: January 13th, 2008
Hurricane Katrina’s victims have put a price tag on their suffering and it’s…drum roll please…a staggering amount. Over 3 quadrillion dollars. This dollar figure is sought from some 489,000 claims filed against the federal government over damage from the failure of levees and flood walls after the Aug 29th, 2005 hurricane. (facts pulled from the Kalamazoo gazette). Let’s see, that means each of those claims would receive over a billion dollars each. Wow! Has anyone other than a mathematician even heard of a number that big? In case your interested, a quadrillion would be 1 followed by 15 zero’s. If the object is to punish the government for not preforming up to some imagined standard that we’ve yet as a society properly defined, then why stop there? Have we all forgotten the millions of American dollars shipped over to Iraq on pallets that disappeared? Or what about our crumbling infrastructure? How many pot holes have you seen lately? I know I could sure use a million or two. How about you?
Long Yearly Exam
Date Added: January 7th, 2008
A friend of mine, Robin, went to her yearly gynecological exam. As always, she felt very vulnerable and extremely uncomfortable. Whenever the Doctor walked in to the room it was like her mind was stuck in the mud. Today he decides to ask her if she minded that a young male intern assist him as he made his rounds. Being put on the spot, Robin reluctantly said okay. With the intern staring over his shoulder, the Doctor proceeded to pry apart her stiffened knees. From under the sheet she clearly hears him say to the intern, “Now this is what’s know as a long vagina.” Robin could feel her face turn ten shades of red as she wondered what the hell a “long vagina” was supposed to be!!
Needless to say, she switched to a female doctor with no interns, after that episode. -Barb O. Plainwell, Michigan.