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So that’s why boys stand up…
Date Added: July 3rd, 2008
I will have to write this anonymously, as it pertains to my son, and I wouldn’t want to embarrass him anymore than I already do. So it’s a typical night, and I had just sent the kids up to get ready for bed. I had specifically told my son his feet were filthy and to use a wash cloth. Of course he says, “Oh, I will shower in the morning.” “No way, no how”, I said, “just use a wash cloth and get most of the dirt off for tonight and you can still shower in the morning.” Well, as my husband and I were locking doors and putting stuff away, you know the usual night time routine, we hear our daughter yelling at him. Mind you he’s 11 and she’s 8, so we know nothing good will come of it. My husband quickly went up stairs to sooth things over, and then I heard him yelling at our son! What the? Quickly goes through my mind as I make my way upstairs to see what all the fuss is about. Well what to my wondering eyes appear, but my son wiping up pee in a puddle on the floor and around the base of the toilet. My husband sees me standing there with my mouth open and a slightly shocked look on my face. I’m pretty sure a sign was blinking on my forehead that said “what the…. happened!” My wonderful husband who was now chuckling, had to explain it to me. It would appear that my son for once was trying to multi- task, and was sitting down on the toilet to pee while cleaning his feet with a wash cloth. Unfortunately he didn’t think about ”tucking it down”, and the resulting geyser went everywhere!!
I had to laugh…all these years I have been saying how easy it is for men to pee anywhere. I guess us women have a little advantage, we can do our nails and many other functions while ‘just sitting’ there!! - mom, MI.
Toss me the anchor, Honey!
Date Added: June 23rd, 2008
My wife and I had spent a wonderful day boating and fishing. As much as I wanted to get in off the lake before the rush, I just couldn’t. The fish were biting and my wife looked too good in her bikini, and did I mention that the fish were biting? Well anyway, after a while we finally found ourselves in line at the access. The line wasn’t too long so everything was going fairly smooth. Have I mentioned that I was a new boater, with my new boat and trailer? I also have to admit that I really hadn’t gotten the hang of the whole truck and the boat together. So what I thought would only take a minute or two began to take a lot longer as things just weren’t lining up right. Soooo… I had my wife get out to line up the boat so I could work the trailer. That’s about when I looked up and noticed about four boats waiting for me to clear out. Soooo, as you can imagine, the pressures on. I started to get a little anxious (this maybe an understatement), so I shut the door on the truck to go help my wife with lining up the boat. After a few more tries was get it lined up and ready to go on the trailer. I give the quick wave to the line of now very impatient boats waiting for us to clear, and head for the truck.
At least the worst was over. Or so I thought. As I pulled on the handle I realized I’d somehow locked the truck. So let’s paint you a picture. I’m standing next to a truck that’s half in and half out of the water (running) with a trailered boat on the back, and there’s at least eight boats lined up waiting for us to get clear. Let’s not forget to mention it’s taken us almost 1/2 an hour to just get this far! Great! (Somehow I was hoping it was my wife’s fault, but no such luck). So with quick thinking and no patience, I grab our boat anchor and break the small window out on the back glass of the truck. Clearly since it’s so small it would have been the cheapest window to break. Well not so much. You guessed it… when I went to get my window repaired, the window guy told me that I had chosen to break the most expensive window on my truck!! What a chicken pucker moment!! LOL Well, at least my wife still looks good in that bathing suit!!- Lance, Galesburg, MI.
Listen Mom, my shoe is….
Date Added: May 28th, 2008
I was at my son’s middle school orientation and we were checking out the lockers when I heard a familiar sounding voice. It was one of my sons friends and her mom, and boy was she just a giggling away. She happened to be wearing her cute little Croc’s sandals and was walking as quickly as she could to keep up with her mom. Every other quick little step was followed by a very familiar and funny noise. Laughing and giggling she loudly proclaimed ”Listen, Mom, my shoe is farting!” LOL! Boy, I wish I could have embraced my Chicken Pucker movement when I was in middle school. It would have been so much less traumatic. Ha…You go girl!
Lawton, Mi.
My kid will never be like that!
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
Before I had a child, I did that thing that everyone does before they
have a child — I saw a child behaving a certain way in public and
said something to myself about how MY kid would never be like that.
Well, of course, then I had kids … My 2 year old is kind of in an
emotional phase right now: too little to do most things, and thinks
she’s too big to not do them herself. Her new favorite trick to play
on me is to lay down where ever she is to try and get her way. One
day, we were coming out of a Target, and she wanted some food item
that we had bought. I told her “No, it is going in the trunk and you
can have it when we got home.” With this, she laid down right in the
parking lot … and right in a puddle. At this point, I didn’t really
want to pick her up because she was sopping wet and I was trying to
get our items into my trunk. So there she was, in a puddle, with
people walking by and staring at her. Several people even stopped to
ask if we were okay, or if I needed some help. But I was determined
to win this battle of the wills, so I refused to pick her up.
Wouldn’t you know, my stubborn child lay in the puddle in that Target
parking lot for OVER 30 MINUTES while several well-meaning people
offered me help (much to my embarrassment). When she finally gave up,
she stood up, helped me get her clothes off, went right into her car
seat and we went home — like nothing had even happened!
-Nicole from Cali
Please not in the toilet
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
I was washing my face one morning, and had taken off my wedding band
and placed it on the bathroom counter. My 18mo daughter was playing
in the bathroom while I was getting ready. I closed my eyes to splash
some water on my face, and when I opened them, both my daughter and
my ring were gone. I called after her, and she came running back into
the bathroom. I picked her up, and gently but firmly said “Honey, do
you know where mommy’s ring went?” She still wasn’t talking much at
this point in her life, but she looked like she knew what I was
talking about. I put her down and she went off into various rooms,
looking around with me. At one point, I went into the living room and
was digging through her toy barrels. And then it came to me — the
toilet seat was up. I ran back to the bathroom to see if she had put
it in there, and as I was coming down the hallway, she came out of
the office yelling “MAMA! MAMA!” with that ring so high in the air
and a smile from ear to ear. I picked her up, gave her a big hug and
kiss, and we both just laughed and laughed. - Nicole from Cali
“Get a piece of the Rock!”
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
The power of a commercial is awesome and children remember everything they hear… Christmas 1975 found my four year old daughter and I attending a school Christmas pageant with a girlfriend whose daughter was singing. As we left, I praised Debbie and her song on peace. My little girl promptly said, “Mommy, I know a song about Peace, too!” “You do?”, I asked, “Why don’t you sing it for us.” So my sweet girl sang each note perfectly… “Get a piece of the Rock”… the Prudential Insurance Company’s theme song back then! We all had a good laugh, and commented on how well her peace song was sang! -Patsy, Pennsylvania.
Do you have a buck to spare?
Date Added: March 19th, 2008
Our family had just spent eight hours on a Sunday watching our son wrestle in a state team tournament and were anxious to get home. It had been a long day. We had sat in bleachers all day and ate bad (and let’s not forget expensive) vendor food. I’m sure those of you with kids, know what I’m talking about. One of the other parents had come up and asked if we felt lucky and wanted to go in on the 50/50 raffle with her. We passed, as we only had a few bucks left. Well, finally the tournament was over. We packed up and headed out to the parking garage. Loaded up we pulled into the long line of cars trying to exit the parking ramp, when it hits me. Parking was $4.25! Crap. The only cash I had was $3 left in my wallet after the food vendors had their way with me. Oh man, as you can imagine, I started stressing out. Yet I was holding out the hope they took VISA, I mean com’on doesn’t everyone? No go. We pull up and I see the sign clear as day ”Cash Only”. Great. I had over the $3.00 and ask him to wait just a moment while my wife digs deep in her purse. Nothing. She sadly reminds me that last week she was clean out at the book fair at school and hadn’t thought to pick up any extra cash. As my wife is getting out of the car to try and run back and beg $1.25 off of a fellow wrestling parent behind us, the nice parking attendant gave us his ‘employee discount’ and we only owed $2!! Woo…hoo, now we had a dollar left over!! Thank you Mr. Parking lot attendant!!! Dave, Lawton, MI.
Hi, Mrs. Smith.
Date Added: February 25th, 2008
It was spring and that means Track Season. I loved watching my teenage son participate. I left work and needed to hurry. It was cool out so I donned my trench coat with it’s extreme front pockets astride the buttons. I warmed my hands in the pockets as I cut across the end of the football field. At the end of the long jump pit I tripped and fell flat on my face. At that same exact moment a friend of my son’s was practicing the long jump and landed in the pit next to me. We looked each other eye to eye as he nonchalantly said, ” Hi, Mrs. Smith.” All I could say was, “Nice jump”. I tried to get up but the weight of my body was on my hands, which were still in the pockets of the coat. I rolled back and forth like a beached whale in order to release my hands from the coat and to release myself from this Chicken Pucker moment!-Patsy, Pennsylvania
Do you even work here?
Date Added: February 3rd, 2008
I had finally decided to bite the bullet. I was going to buy an expensive bra instead of the cheap Fruit of the Loom I typically purchase. So as I walked into Frederick’s of Hollywood, I was instantly greeted by an older lady who sounded like she smoked three packs a day. She kindly pointed me in the direction of the bras, asked me my size. Without regard to color I was handed two bras and ushered off to the dressing room. Being a newbe and not wanting to look like an idiot, I went along quietly…too quietly. After only a couple of minutes, she hollered in to see if I was getting along OK with the bra. I replied I didn’t think the bra fit. Before I knew what was happening, she was in the dressing room with me! She told me I was putting the bra on all wrong. Next thing I know, she had a hold of my breast and was “dropping” it into the bra. Thank God she at least asked me if I could handle doing the other one!!
I pulled myself together and headed up to the register to pay for the bra, wanting nothing more than to flee. Thinking they worked on commission, I tell the girl that the older lady helped me. This is where things get worse. The girl proceeds to tell me that no one over twenty-five works there!!! OH MY GOD! I probably was helped by the older lady that likes to help helpless women like me… if you know what I mean! Come to think of it… I didn’t see a name tag on that women with cold hands either!
I love it…but I’m grounded!
Date Added: January 30th, 2008
I received the best thank you from my 6 year old niece the other day. My sister is way too fast with those~ she really puts me to shame!! Anyway, we had went to their house for my nieces birthday party of pizza, cake and ice cream. You know, the typical family birthday stuff. My niece was tearing through her presents with great enthusiasm, when she came to ours. Her first personal cd player, or as we like to call it~ a hillbilly mp3 player! Apparently, she loved it! She was walking around listening to Hannah Montana all day!! She so looked 16 not 6!! A few days later we received a thank you note from her. She thanked us for coming and for the cd player. She loved it so much! She would be listening to it today, but her mother has grounded her from it. Ha! Just think, her chicken pucker moment at such a young age!!