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Faceplant in the Mud??
Date Added: September 21st, 2009
It was a regular saturday afternoon, besides the fact the the remains of a hurricane were hitting us. It was pouring so hard you couldn’t see more than 7 ft. in front of you. Anyway, my friend invited me over and I thought he was crazy but I went anyway. So he had these two boggie boards and gave one to me. I was wondering what was he thinking. All of a sudden he ran and slid down the mud and grass down the side of his house, so then I tried it and it was awesome! So after about the sixth slide, I made a big mistake…I tried to stand on the boggie board and surf down. One second I was up, the next I was face planting in the mud. Never thought that I would ever taste mud…but first time for everything I guess. Colin, Quakertown, PA.
Top Speed Boogie
Date Added: September 21st, 2009
Many years ago I use to teach piano lessons in a small town of 1,800 people. My home was small, so I had to rent the civic center for the annual recital. I also knew that grandparents would want to see their grandkids’ names in the paper. So, one morning, about a month before the recital, I went to the print shop and got awards, went to the local paper and gave the article for the paper, went to the city hall to rent the civic center, and so on.
When I pulled into my driveway at the end of my morning of errands, I saw myself in the rear view mirror and noticed a large boogie in my right nostril.
“Oh no!,” I thought, ” Everyone saw that!”
I felt so humiliated! I could not postpone getting that out of my nose! I looked in the back seat of the van and noticed a big unused roll of toilet paper from a camping trip. In an effort to ease my shame, I tried to humor myself in the mirror. As I rolled toilet paper around my hand, getting ready for the big snort into the wad of tissue, I chatted out loud to the boogie looking in the mirror, telling him he would soon be propelled at top speed. Just then, sitting in my car, I perceived someone looking at me. It was the Schwans man! He was standing at the end of my van, watching me talk to the boogie in my nose!! It was an awkward moment. For the first time in his life, I think he was glad when I rolled down the window and yelled,”I don’t need anything today!”-Annie, Portage, MI.
Cheek to Cheek
Date Added: May 23rd, 2009
Well, my class went up to the Lawton High School and so did the rest of the fourth grade. We went up there to here a jazz concert. So everything is going fine until they started playing the first song. My stomach felt like I had diarrhea so I had to sit on my left cheek ( butt cheek) I was trying to hold it in but all of a sudden a fart started coming on. I knew if I let out that fart that all of that poop would come out. So then I crawled over to my teacher and asked if I could use the bathroom and she asked if it was an emergency and I said yyyaaa so then I thought that she was just going to let me walk down there…. right? No she walks with me and remember I still have to hold in the fart. Next, I finally get to the bathroom and I thought that she was going to go back but… no she stands outside the bathroom and let me tell ya I had like a million farts I had to let out. And I could tell she was still out there listening to me because I could here her keys jingling. It was horrible. So I get done going poop, I wash my hands and walk out. Then, she asks me are you all right and I say yep. Then, she said good, and you know that happens to me too sometimes.
THE END
P.S. this is a true story. Oh and this story is by Kristin Ann Conner
Hold it downward, Son!!
Date Added: May 6th, 2009
The other day Tom and I took the kids to Target. I took the girls to get what we needed and Tom took Zayden to look at toys. Zayden had to go potty so Tom took him in and got him all situated at the urinal when Zayden announces he has to poop. So Tom rushes him into a small stall (didn’t want to use the handicap in case a handicap person came in) Zayden tells Tom “get out because this is really going to stink dad.” Tom tells him “no, I am staying in here, but I will turn around.” Tom said all of a sudden he feels wetness and turns around to Zayden peeing down the back of Tom’s leg. Tom said he started dancing around the tiny stall to avoid getting peed on more and was screaming at Zayden ” you have to hold your wee wee down when you pee!” Tom said it got worse when a whole group of guys came into the bathroom and Zayden started yelling “oh gosh Dad, I have Diarrhea!” I am glad it was Tom and not Me! Carolelynn, Kalamazoo, MI.
Cash or Credit…in the tub?
Date Added: May 1st, 2009
This is a little embarrassing, but what the heck, right.
About a year and a half ago, I was getting in the shower and my daughter, at the time was five and a half, wanted to shower with me. So I thought about it and parts are parts ~ so I told her sure that would be okay.
We climbed in and simply started to shower. I bent over to start shaving my legs, and all at once I felt a cold, hard, force shoot down my butt crack. Standing up in shock I turned to look at Abbigail, and she had the bar of soap in her hand. I asked her, “Abbi, what are you doing?” She said, “Just helping you bathe mommy!” Realizing that is how I help her from time to time, I was flushed with embarrassment. I never in a million years realized that I run the bar of soap down her butt crack like a credit card machine. I was thinking to myself how flipping funny it was, but (pardon the pun) I was also trying not to laugh at my daughters ~ she was so seriously trying to be helpful!! That is something I will never forget… It was to funny. Jolinda, Paw Paw, MI.