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Posts Tagged ‘women’
Do you even work here?
Date Added: February 3rd, 2008
I had finally decided to bite the bullet. I was going to buy an expensive bra instead of the cheap Fruit of the Loom I typically purchase. So as I walked into Frederick’s of Hollywood, I was instantly greeted by an older lady who sounded like she smoked three packs a day. She kindly pointed me in the direction of the bras, asked me my size. Without regard to color I was handed two bras and ushered off to the dressing room. Being a newbe and not wanting to look like an idiot, I went along quietly…too quietly. After only a couple of minutes, she hollered in to see if I was getting along OK with the bra. I replied I didn’t think the bra fit. Before I knew what was happening, she was in the dressing room with me! She told me I was putting the bra on all wrong. Next thing I know, she had a hold of my breast and was “dropping” it into the bra. Thank God she at least asked me if I could handle doing the other one!!
I pulled myself together and headed up to the register to pay for the bra, wanting nothing more than to flee. Thinking they worked on commission, I tell the girl that the older lady helped me. This is where things get worse. The girl proceeds to tell me that no one over twenty-five works there!!! OH MY GOD! I probably was helped by the older lady that likes to help helpless women like me… if you know what I mean! Come to think of it… I didn’t see a name tag on that women with cold hands either!
Shout out
Date Added: January 21st, 2008
We, the CP staff, wanted to thank someone for there efforts to spread the chicken-pucker motto: life takes laughter.
We would like to thank Michael Stephayn for a couple of reasons. First, we want to thank him for always using his chicken-pucker water bottle. Then for not making fun of the CP president when she was working out when he unexpectedly stopped by; she wasn’t looking her best!! He neither teased or laughed at the band-aid that was hiding a monster zit!! His kindness didn’t go unnoticed, as he did receive 2 water bottles for his kids.
Michael Stephayn, this is a CP shout out …..
Beauty dollars
Date Added: January 21st, 2008
Streching your beauty dollars:
Add your favorite moisturizer to your 1/2 empty bottle of foundation. This will make your foundation last a lot longer!! I just tried it and I love the way the foundation goes on~ coverage with moisture!!! Now that I know to do this I will mix moisturizer into my foundation right away. This will entail a little of planning, but I am so excited to make my foundation last a lot longer and combine steps in my morning routine to save me a little extra time. Yeah!
Now this could be my chicken~pucker moment. Many women have probably done this for years and I am just now catching on!! Oh well, better late than never! If you have some good tips that we could use weekly, please send them to me so I can post for everyone!! But remember ~ this is supposed to be a funny site, so if you have some tips that didn’t quite work out and you have a chickenpucker moment, you know we would love to hear them too!!
Long Yearly Exam
Date Added: January 7th, 2008
A friend of mine, Robin, went to her yearly gynecological exam. As always, she felt very vulnerable and extremely uncomfortable. Whenever the Doctor walked in to the room it was like her mind was stuck in the mud. Today he decides to ask her if she minded that a young male intern assist him as he made his rounds. Being put on the spot, Robin reluctantly said okay. With the intern staring over his shoulder, the Doctor proceeded to pry apart her stiffened knees. From under the sheet she clearly hears him say to the intern, “Now this is what’s know as a long vagina.” Robin could feel her face turn ten shades of red as she wondered what the hell a “long vagina” was supposed to be!!
Needless to say, she switched to a female doctor with no interns, after that episode. -Barb O. Plainwell, Michigan.
Just hold it
Date Added: December 29th, 2007
This story begins in a Wal-Mart bathroom…and that is funny in the making right there! Anyone with kids under three know that this is no small feet. After the turmoil of laying the paper and trying to place Kristin delicately on the seat without the paper falling back into the toilet, it’s now my turn. I know…some of you are not as anal (pardon the pun) in the public toilet areas, but anyone who knows me knows I am freaky about germs. So anyway, I have my daughter perfectly placed in the corner of the bathroom so as not to touch the door handle, the box used for feminine products, or anything else (remember…I’m a germ freak). I’m at the end of that time of the month and had spotted a little on my panty liner. Just as another woman enters the restroom, my daughter spots the lightly soiled liner, and ever so clearly says “Mommy, you pooped your pants!” How do you respond to that one? Do you deny? Do you explain? She was 2 1/2 years old at the time for goodness sake. Of course we have to wait it out for the other person to leave and so we don’t have to face their laughter when we come out. Ugh…after all, I don’t want people to think I really pooped my pants! My own little moral of the story: Leave the kids with Dad when shopping or hold it!
My yearly visit
Date Added: December 29th, 2007
Get this one. I’m on my way to the dreaded “yearly” womanly exam. In my car on the way there I am trying to pump myself up with a little positive motivation. “Beth you had two kids”, “This woman has seen all your parts already anyway”, “She really doesn’t care, parts are parts…right?” As you can see, on the motivation scale it might be registering a little weak. Yet, by the time I get there I’ve found my confidence and courage to face it. The office I go to is pretty general, nice on the outside, typical on the inside. After signing in and waiting only a few minutes, I was ushered back for the dreaded affair. Yet first I have to get past the skinny nurse who of course must check my weight (figures, I’m pretty sure she models on the weekend). At this point, I’m talking confidently with her as she checks my blood pressure, asks how I’m doing, and if there is anything I need to review with Theresa (the midwife). So far so good. “Okay”, she says, “Take off your clothes and put on the robe with the slit in front. Please put the drape over your legs. Theresa will be into see you as soon as she can.” “Thanks”, I toss out, still confident that I will make it through without dying of embarrassment. Maybe I’m finally growing up, I thought, smiling and thumbing through a magazine someone had left behind. Theresa knocks on the door and I reach over to replace the magazine in the rack and sit back…still confident. Normal chit chat ensues…kids are great, work is going well…and my friend Michelle is coming home soon for a visit (Michelle is the one who referred me to Theresa). This is going great…I’m not even nervous about the upcoming exam. At this point I really am smiling, and pretty darn proud of myself. Then I happen to look down…OH MY STARS!!!! My right breast had decided to join in the discussion without asking. It had been poking out the whole time! There goes the confidence. Theresa was probably thinking “Put that thing away…I am going to check it in a minute.”
To this day I still have no confidence when it comes to those visits.
Wild Hair
Date Added: December 29th, 2007
Funny things happen to me all the time, even while I’m at work. This one’s from my younger days, newly out of KVCC where I’d graduated with my Dental Hygienist degree.
I was a fairly new hygienist and was working on a middle aged woman (maybe I shouldn’t add that part … as I’m probably considered middle aged now). As I lifted my hands out of her mouth she began talking about something … probably about her kids’ or something, obviously this was prior to me having kids, as I wasn’t really paying attention to her story. That was then it happened. I noticed a hair on her cheek … and it was a biggie, about 1 1/2 to 2 inches long. I’m sure some of you can picture where things are going, and some of you are laughing even now. Heck, even the fact that I’m like a little kid, my mind wandering from her to the mysterious hair. I couldn’t shake it. It was practically calling to me, “Touch it”. So … you guessed it … I went to brush the hair away and it didn’t move. Who would want a big old dark hair just hanging out on their cheek, right? So I proceed to take it up between my thumb and forefinger with the intent of just a helpful flick, and much to my embarrassment her cheek tugged along with it! Oh my God! It was attached. Quickly to cover my tracks I pretended to brush away toothpaste saying I had splashed some on her cheek. But I’m sure my rose colored cheeks gave it away. Needless to say … I let the stray hairs lie now.
Flashing lights
Date Added: December 22nd, 2007
Okay, so I don’t do this all the time, but yesterday I was in a hurry. What woman hasn’t tried to change her clothes while driving? Some women put on make up while driving, some talk on cell phones, some smoke, so why not change my clothes? So there I am, driving down the road at about 45mph. One shirt was pulled up around my neck (in ready position) and I had just begun to pull the other shirt over to provide the cover-up-slide-through when I saw the blue flashing lights behind me. I was petrified. This was it, my desire to save a couple of minutes by changing my clothes on the road was going to get me a ticket. My husband would be so mad. As I slowed down to pull over, I kept trying to think of a way to pull my clothes down. Panic was beginning to set in as I was trying to come up with some good excuse, but I had nothing. Why wasn’t he out chasing bad guys, or pulling over some crazy person driving 100mph. As the cop car with it’s flashing blue lights sailed on past me, I was so relieved. Now I could finish getting dressed and still not be late! In after thought, I know getting dressed while driving is not the smartest thing to do, but women are very good at multi-tasking, right?